For the longest time, I've always felt like an outsider. One could say "autistic", as I have an inclination for particular behaviours and beliefs, and I am quite steadfast. It's not easy to shift my opinion on things unless you were convincing and brought me facts.
I never thought too much about it, always just wondered why I am the way I am. Was it my upbringing? My general lack of awareness? My insistence on particular things? Suffice to say that my eyes have opened up quite a lot over the last 5, 10, 15 years about the way I am, why I have always gone against the grain on things.
Very fortunately though, my EQ has improved and it has made me more aware and sensitive to particular topics. I definitely felt a bit more "normal" as time went on.
As this epoch reaches a conclusion, I have thoroughly enjoyed this journey, despite all the ups and downs.
I remember my ponderings and questions over the many years, which were never answered by my peers.
- Why are animals in zoos and domesticated? They should be running wild and free.
- Why isn't it possible to have alternative lifeforms? Why can't there be alternative life forms that aren't based on carbon and need oxygen?
- (Added after the post was published) Why would non-religious people go to hell if they've never encountered religion (or even had the chance to come across it?)
Of course, other "oddball" thoughts that would be dismissed as conspiracies by my peers. I learnt to STFU and let the world unravel itself, it's a bit more interesting this way. Then we can all look back and wonder what happened.
But now, at this very point in time, I feel like it probably matters very little about what I say (in all meanings of the word). 1. Saying something "outrageous" will not be believed anyway (or only be entertained by some people). 2. If shit does happen, well, life is deterministic anyway. Meaning nobody is going to interfere or stop what will happen.
There is a reason and cause for everything, even reasons unseen, and life is beautiful that way.
Think about all the stories and occurrences that have happened. It really is like a movie or a game - a general plot, plenty of side quests and people you meet along the way.
I am grateful and blessed to have met most of you all. I think back to close friendships that I had gained and lost, encounters with people who I would never have met except by chance or fate. It would be a shame of the story was written with all these colourful parts, and for the character to never realise the beauty of it. So thank you, and I appreciate everything.
For our next steps? No matter what happens, I will be here. Keep calm, surround yourself with love and everything will be OK.